not going to stuttgart no more.
2007-03-31
i guess it was all wishful thinking on my part.
that they'd ever let me do such a thing..to make such a decision entirely on my own.
i've basically lived my life according to their wishes and i'm finding it increasingly hard to keep at it.
but i know that i'm supposed to obey and honour them..still. why cant what they want for me be what i want for myself too? or vice versa? why must there be incessant arguing that ultimately amounts to nothing.
the wasted words and the unnecessary strain. the tension that a family isnt supposed to live with. debate. swimming. worship leading. everything i wanted at various stages in my life were taken away because you thought it wasnt of any importance. or that it was too time consuming. i could have been a fine debator. i would have been a better swimmer. i could have kept at worship leading. but i never got the chance to cos you deemed it so. you ask me why i have no passion for the things i do in life; maybe it's because you took all the things i was passionate about away from me. pack of lies when you said things would be different when i'm in uni. when i'm 21. carrots that i, the foolish donkey, will never get to eat. but yet i still keep chasing my illusive dreams, in the hopes that one day, they'll become tangible and real for me. in the meantime, i'll give it all up just so i can come home to a proper family. i hate the tension. i hate the strained relations. i want it all nice and cheery, like those you see on tv. like the days we had in the past. warm and full of love. back to normal. and i keep telling myself that it's God's wish that i honour and respect my parents wishes..but why cant i seem to let go?
Prev :: Next
All
content © sparkle75 unless otherwise stated
|
